Soul Flight

	Total event time in this reality 1-hour approximate. Subjective time of this event days, and at the last moment unsure (a moment or an eternity), only god knows. Question: this is the third event of this, not magnitude, but type why? A question of what next? These leave me wondering about my grasp on reality. They thrill and upset at the same moment. I was up all night Friday into Saturday, a lot written, yet I could fill a book with this and more. I was meditating to relax, used theta meditation (ref: Dr. Jeffrey Thompson, ISBN: 1-55961-608-3 "Brain Wave Music") self in comfortable chair, back supported and straight. It has been now over two months practicing meditation for my blood pressure. What happened and follows was unexpected in every way. The results an ache and unrest in the soul, to know these thing again and more. Greedy you say? No, only the desire to reclaim what was once held. In many ways it was a dream and more. I would not have missed it for the world and worlds. I will one day regain it.
	I follow this pattern as recommended for this: Allow breathing to slow down gradually. Breath through nose. Breath into abdomen, not chest, feel belly expand with each in-breath and shrink with each out-breath. Feel breath slowing more and more. Imagine body filled with a beautiful, warm, blue fluid. Begin to drain this fluid out the bottom of the feet, beginning at the ankles; feel feet becoming transparent and lose all sensation. Then drain from knees down, etc. On and on. (I the reach level of mouth and nose the feel kind of like drowning, as if I were up to that point in water for a moment), I continue till completely empty, clear and weightless. Still a sense of physical self and this transparent empty crystal clear self in void, (duality, I am both). This crystal self leaves the void envisioning my safe place. Night time, fire flies, stars above, water, earth, air, star light on the water, glinting off this crystalline self, the light of fire flies seen through me and around me. (The images of my safe place originated in a dream, I wrote it down, if you desire more details about it I must refer you to the written dream to get a full feel for its details.) I Dance to sway, to move, graceful sparkling, almost ghost like and ephemeral. Returning to this place is always a celebration of life. I pause. A goblet appears (note in real world cup of tea near by and previously forgotten), lift in both hands (real world as well), aroma the smell of green and earth and nature, the drink warm filled with life (almost thick yet I know the tea is not). Its contents clear as water. (For some odd reason I am brought to mind of blood. A sacrifice of life, a sacrifice of nature? Who knows?) So much it's hard to finish yet I feel compelled that I must drain it to the dregs. It enters my mouth and enters this crystalline form as liquid light, the first spark of light is at the heart and then spreads, to fill this form. The cup drained, and this form now filled with light, yet still held in some what, (the transparent is now a figure of light) I put down the goblet, I feel the light radiating it does not diminish. I stand in the middle of this safe place on the grass beneath the stars, I fling my arms wide, and light erupts from me filling this valley with light, a shaft of light reaching up into the night sky filled with stars. The light was tangible and had form and did not dissipate. The thought in me is this can be seen from a long way off and could attract attention. We will see? A feeling of gathering in me of light, it gathers in my chest a sphere like a pearl of light, I dim half the light this contains. (Why do I refer to it as a pearl?) It erupts up the shaft into the night, this half of the light, this bright sphere of light, like a star. This shaft of light connecting me to this other half of light. (We are now in three places. I was always a split personality type.) This star of light moves through infinite darkness filled with stars around it, this spark so bright, the stars seem less filled with light then this spark (more like the feel, the quality, not the intensity is the difference), it trails a thread of light behind it. This self is drawn further, hours, days it felt like. Emptiness and solitude both beautiful and harrowing, loneliness beyond compare, so vast yet the call the search the yearning (the shaft of light contracts slowly to keep its intensity.) I move in the direction of a light like mine. (There is no doubt in me as to direction), I perceive a globe of light it grows, I am drawn, still around me stars, and other points of light also moving in the direction of this source. (I am not alone, yet many do not have a long continuous thread of light. They all trail light thought.) It grows in my vision a world of its own, it grows transparent like water, the source of light deep in its center.
	This spark of self hits this transparent surface, ripples form radiating out like one would see from a drop of water striking a smooth surface of water. The light of stars ripple across its surface, this spark of light that is me continues on the feeling now as if moving through water the sound like that of the ocean around me, still the source of light ahead. How vast these waters and clear. Do these waters represent the waters of the unconscious, the collective unconscious? (To much Jung.) The crystalline self grows dimmer as its light is given to hold the thread of connection (becoming less and less a figure filled with light). This the spark moves onward through this vast ocean, slowly the waters fill with the sound of like dolphin call, their clicks, and sound, as this spark of self moves on it has attracted these dolphin's they add their sound to this ocean, their music. They playfully follow this spark, (the momentary though of tumbling mirthfully with them). I still remember one of them came up close, to look in its eye and see amusement, laughter, intelligence and something more. Slowly they are left behind, just the light ahead and the sound of ocean and a kind of music like echo's of the dolphin's song. Still vast is this ocean of light, the spark of self erupts from its surface not unlike a dolphin leaping from the surface of the waters. Again ripples of light are caught on its surface, and droplets of water fall back to this surface (yet this light is not the light of stars). We are still three the physical sitting, the crystalline self still feeding light to the thinning thread of connection growing clearer and more transparent as the light is given slowly to the thread, and the spark of self still holding its half of the light. (but why?) (Some shrink would have a field day trying to analyze all this.)
	The source of light ahead now a sphere of light like that of this spark, many other sparks one sees moving also in this direction. How fast do I move? This sphere grows, it fills ones field of vision, it is larger then a world, how long it takes to get to it. Its surface horizon has moved out so it is like a wall and impossibility flat and still I move toward it, or do I fall toward it? So long this fall, telling me how large this is or have I slowed? Thought I don't feel this is so. The crystalline self struggles to gather light to feed this thread of connection. It gathers what it can to feed a pulse of light to the dwindling thread. (I know its there but physical self almost does not exist.) Finally in a shock my spark of light hits the surface, ripples again but these are ripples of light that spread, a feeling of a task completed in creating this explosion of light! A feeling of something ennobling. The small sphere of self of light emerges from this surface on the other side, the display of light behind in the surface still plays across its surface most of my light given to the explosion. Another spark of light erupts from the surface another display of light a feeling of gladness, music is everywhere and myriads of points of light move toward a center of light. Some move together as a pair at first just coming close to each other, then they start to spiral each trails a thread of light. A sphere of light approaches me it is like one of these others like myself, that make up pairs, I feel the presence of this other, I am drawn by an affinity as if recognizing something in this other. We continue to move we almost touch a moment of hesitation. A question a moment of doubt, that dissolves in this moment of recognition of that which was lost. Of innocence found. Then a giddy moment of emotional release and joy, a sharing of joy in abandonment. We spiral, the feel like a dance. A falling away of sadness and hurt to disappear like ice at the touch of the sun to leave only tear drops of blessed joy. Of laughter that warms and completes the heart. This other one is all that I am not and beautiful. An indefinable need to reach out and touch, and of skittishness of openness and vulnerability, we touch. (This was a moment of innocence, a granting of release, a need and vulnerability, an asking for acceptance of each other.) Yet what was there one could reject? This was a desire as raw and as primal as breath itself. Then in a rush we merge, the release of giving, of wanting to pour oneself into the other, to lose oneself, and at the same moment the hunger of absorbing and holding every aspect of this other. To feel them pour them self into me, I don't know which was the better. Every area of ones light filling the others darkness. In a small explosion of light, a sense of completeness, no loss of self, so much more. (We are!) We have reached this sphere of light, no splash no difference apparent we are a full part of this sphere, light and a beautiful almost orgasmic silence and completeness a sense of "I" for a moment but oh so fleeting and at the same time endless. Timeless, was it an instant or an age or ages, (this was not nothingness).
	(This vision breaks down the crystalline self-pulls back at this moment the spark), a feeling of loss of being ripped away (this was a violence being ripped away!) and we merge the light now not but a spark shining in this transparent other self. In but a moment, yet it took so long going. We were one what of the other half?! I could feel that question as part of my scream when ripped away. I never want to experience this again! Where is my complement?? (Reality intrudes, and I am just me again (darn), wondering, bemused, sad and lonely, peaceful, this was a transcendent moment, coupled with this feeling of being deprived.) A combined feeling of wonder and loss of equal mix (this is a poor example of the emotion.) The shock is physical I fall out of my chair my head hurt. The only consolation is its memory. (A thought ….. No. I'm not going to go there!) For the moment the memory will have to do. I dashed this down (the color the realness, I can see each part of it, the stars, the light, the sound of waters, the music) can I draw what I saw? (I now have 41 crude pencil drawings and an abstract pastel and pencil drawing, there were a lot of images.) I wonder if there is an artist that could help with this? I will qualify this end, the loss the gain so balance themselves as to make it impossible to be sad. Mark 25 May 2001 A part of me feels ripped open. I doubt I will ever experience this again in life. How I wanted to stay! How part of me pulled me back in fear I would. Worse then any experience before I will never be able to describe all that is here.